Who's the Boss?

Jim Ellwanger, TV Guide #1704

You may remember the 1980's sitcom, Who's the Boss? about a man who becomes a live-in housekeeper for a single mom. As the title describes, there is a pressure in the home regarding who is in charge. In its day it challenged stereotypes of male and female roles. But the show also challenges thoughts on authority over the children in the household. Throughout the sitcom conflict arises when the characters overstep their authority in parental matters. A similar tension is prevalent daily in education. As educators we must ask ourselves, who's the boss?

What came first?

Before schools. Before churches. God created family. The Creation Mandate found in Genesis 1:27-28 says, "So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth'" (NKJV).

In the very beginning of the Bible we see that family, the man and woman coming together and multiplying, was God's first design for dominion, or authority. God designed parents to multiply and to rule in the world. God could have created churches or schools for multiplication and dominion, but He chose the family.

Throughout the Bible we see that parents are the original source of education for their children. Deuteronomy 6:7 speaks to the commands God gives and says, "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise" (ESV). Joel 1:3 says, "Tell your children of it, and let your children tell their children, and their children to another generation" (ESV). God's design was for children to be educated through the family unit.

What can I do to educate my child?

If the family is God's design for education, should we all just pull our kids out of school now and homeschool them? Not necessarily. The Creation Mandate (Genesis 1:28) gives the commission for families to rule and have dominion in the world. This means our children are meant to be leaders in the world around them. In the 21st century this commonly requires a certain level of education and expertise.

As a parent, I recognize both my authority and responsibility in the life of my children. I have three sons who each have unique skills and giftings. My husband and I often talk of what God might call our boys to do in the future. We recognize there is a call for leadership in their lives that requires them to have a higher level of education. Together we choose to share our authority with a school in order to fully prepare our children for the call of God in their life. Personally, I do not believe I have the tools necessary to fully prepare them and therefore find a school experience a necessity for them.

I do not share my personal opinion to say one choice is better than another. I recognize and honor the authority for parents to prayerfully listen to God for the needs of their children in regard to school. In some instances, homeschooling is the best option. But if a parent chooses school, they must recognize that although they have chosen to share their authority with a school, the training of the child is still the parent's responsibility. 

What role should the parent play?

Christian, private, or public, I firmly believe it is the parent's responsibility to take an active role in the education of their child. As parents, we should not drop off our child at school and sigh with relief that they are someone else's responsibility. Parents entrust the school to provide training, but parents must maintain contact with the school, the teachers, their children's friends, and even the other parents. We should be aware of what our children are learning and the environment they are learning it in.

One of my greatest concerns for the family is that parents are unknowingly relinquishing their authority in the lives of their children when it comes to education. As parents, we must be aware of the current trends in education and should be having conversations about Biblical truths, standards, and values with our children. The trend in education is toward extreme secular values which are in direct opposition to Christian beliefs. Often these secular values are being taught as fact to our children without our knowledge. This kind of indoctrination is occurring not only in secular education, but in some cases in Christian schools.

As parents, the only way to combat this direct assault on Christian beliefs is to be involved. I believe it is my parental responsibility to ask my boys every day about the content of their lessons and the conversations with their friends. My boys don't think twice about it because this is something we have done from the first day they went to preschool. They get in my car each day (yes, I pick them up even though it's extremely inconvenient as a school principal) and I ask about their classes, their friends, their teachers, and what happened at lunch. God has given parents children as a reward, Psalm 127:3 says, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward" (ESV). As our reward, we must carefully guide, protect, and enjoy our children.

What role should the school play?

The school is meant to work together with the parent in the education of their child. Parents have the God-given authority and responsibility to train their children, and when they enroll in a school they are giving some of that authority to the school. Therefore, schools should not operate independently from parents. Parents should be frequently consulted and highly involved in the educational process. Just as it would be wrong for parents to leave their child at school and not pay attention, it is wrong of schools to leave parents out of their child's education.

As a principal, I believe schools are supplementary, families are primary. Schools are intended to come alongside the family to support their educational pursuits. I believe administrators, teachers, and school staff must function with the understanding that they need to support the family, not their own desires. School leaders and classroom teachers should be available to converse with parents and answer questions to their concerns and needs. Parents should not be separated from the educational and social experiences of their children, which requires accessibility to the school. In addition to communication, another function of the school is to provide resources for its families; from parenting to educational tools, the school should be ready to equip parents and come alongside of their needs.

It should be noted that this does not mean the parent should run the school. Schools should have a structure that every family works within. This is one of the reasons our school requires parents to sign an agreement each year stating they are in agreement with the standards, policies and procedures in the school handbook. As parents choose to place their child in the school, they are also choosing to abide under the leadership of that school.

Parent-teacher meeting clipart, illustration psd. Free public domain CC0 image.

Who's the boss?

The parent. God has instilled parents as the primary caregivers for their children. Schools are given authority by the parents to come alongside them in the education of their child. Parents should not run the schools, but schools must also not run over the parent. Ideally, the school and the parent work together in unity to prepare the student for the future God has planned for them.