God's Best Gift
The fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
Like a warrior's fistful of arrows
Oh, how blessed are you parents,
Your enemies don't stand a chance against you;
you'll sweep them right off your doorstep."
Psalm 127 tells us that our children are "God's best gift." The Hebrew language used in this verse indicates our children are our inheritance from God, our God-assigned portion. Our children are not simply the result of two adults desiring to fulfill the Creation Mandate and populate the world. Our children were created by God and assigned to us specifically.
These verses go on to tell us that our children are designed for victory. They are like a warrior's arrows made to hit the mark and we are blessed when our homes are full of children because our "enemies don't stand a chance against us." Each of our specific families were designed by God to be a team that works together to see God's victory in our lives. Our children are God's best gift!
Like most of the ways God works, promise and victory don't always arrive in the way we expect. It is really pretty humorous that "God's best gift" comes to adult-ish people, with little to no experience being a parent, walking into a hospital (or wherever you have your baby) without a child and leaving with a baby to care for 24/7. The victorious family described in Psalm 127 begins as potential. It's what we do from this point that determines if our "arrows" will hit the mark.
So How Do We Hit the Mark?
Matthew 25 tells the Parable of the Talents, describing a man who entrusted his money to his servants while he was aways. The parable illustrates three different servants; one servant was given five talents, another two talents, and a third one talent. While the master was away the one with five talents went and traded the talents to double them, as did the servant with two talents. But the servant with one talent went and hid it. When the man returned he praised the two servants who doubled their talents saying, "Well done good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master" (Matthew 25:21, ESV). To the servant who hid the talent he was given the man was angry because he did not attempt to utilize the talent.
If I am honest I sometimes have read this parable and judged the servant who hid the talent. I have thought to myself, "What a fool! Doesn't he know that he has to do something with what God has given him?!" Yet as a parent I have been tempted to hide away the gift God has given me in my children. I attempt in my fear and insecurity to force them into a path I desire or to simply try and hide them away from the world. But if our children are our gift, our inheritance, and our talent to multiply, we cannot shrink back from taking an active role in their purposeful development.
We live in a society that tends to give our authority of the discipleship of our children to others: church, school, friends, or culture. But it is our job. God gifted us, parents, with his best; to cultivate and become arrows to see victory over our enemy. Our parenting doesn't need to be perfect, but it must be purposeful.
In educational terms, parenting is not a mathematical formula to follow but is more like a well-written essay; there are principles to follow, but each family is going to have a unique story. Remember back to the days of writing essays? We all have that English teacher we despised at the moment but can now thank for our writing skills (Thank you, Mr. Seymour and Mr. Ulstein). I learned that any good research essay must follow the rules of grammar and writing, it must have a consistent thesis that runs throughout the essay, and it will be supported by expert research.
In parenting, we must also follow principles to reach the victory God has planned. First, we need to trust and follow the guidelines given to us in the Word of God. Second, we need to trust the Holy Spirit to lead us into His purpose, or thesis, for our family. Finally, we need to trust Godly counsel from those who have gone before us. I am far from a parenting expert, but my husband and I have been learning to use these principles to guide our family.
Trust the Word of God
A quick Google search for "parenting" or "parenting podcast" or even "Christian parenting" will lead you to a plethora of opinions on how to parent. And if you're like me, you will probably conduct a half-day search to end up purchasing a resource you may never use. Don't hear me wrong, these techniques are not all bad and I am not against utilizing them, but our ultimate parenting resource should be the Bible. As 2 Timothy 3:16 says, "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness" (ESV).
When I first became a parent I knew the Bible would tell me how my kids need to be disciplined, which is does; a few examples include, "Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart" (Proverbs 29:18, ESV), "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him" (Proverbs 13:24, ESV), and "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bring shame to his mother" (Proverbs 29:15, ESV). The biblical framework for parenting includes disciplining our children, but as we study it more, the Bible clearly places responsibility on parents for their children. Colossians 3:21 tells us, "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged" (ESV), Deuteronomy 11:19 admonishes, "You shall teach them [God's law] to your children..." (ESV), and 1 Timothy 3:4 says that overseers should "...manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive" (ESV). The Bible requires us to not provoke; which means to incite, irritate, or arouse to anger. Which means in the middle of my child's tantrum, I cannot have one of my own and must work to be calm. The Bible also tells us that we are to teach our children God's law; this is not the responsibility of our church or school but it is our parental duty to teach our children and train them in godliness. And in 1 Timothy we are told to manage or rule our home; the Greek word used here actually means to "give attention to" or "to care for"; we help keep our children submissive by giving them attention and care.
Trusting the Bible in parenting goes beyond methods for discipline. Just the three verses we looked at show that we must learn to remain calm, we must teach and train our children, and we are to give them proper attention and care. Parenting from the Word of God is not about "dos" and "don'ts" for our kids, but it is a written guide for how we as parents are to grow and care-take God's best gift well.
Trust the Holy Spirit
In our ever-changing world our families must be grounded in purpose. The Bible gives us a framework for family life, but we need the Holy Spirit to provide that specific thesis and purpose for our family. 2 Corinthians 3:3 says, "...you show that you a letter from Christ delivered by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts" (ESV). Our families, like the early church in Corinth, are stories from Christ that are being written by the Holy Spirit in our hearts.
Trusting the Holy Spirit for our families means that we seek Him for the details of our lives. We are not intended to do something the exact way someone else did; doing that will not lead to victory. As we read the stories of Old Testament battles we see how no two battles were fought exactly the same. Remember, God does not have a mathematical formula for families. We need the Holy Spirit to lead us individually. John 16:13 tells us, "When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come" (ESV).
The thesis (or purpose) of your family may not look like mine. When my husband and I were engaged we went through premarital counseling and one of the assignments we had at that time was to write a family statement, or for the sake of this post, a family thesis. We prayed and asked the Holy Spirit to tell us what foundations we were to lay for our family. After several drafts we wrote the statement, "The Ventis are lovers of God; they are healthy, wealthy, and happy." We have used this statement to lead decision-making and we have taught it to our children. I believe it was given by the Holy Spirit to guide us, and pray it will be what is said of our family 50 years from now.
Trust Godly Counsel
Although the Holy Spirit is our ultimate guide and the Bible provides our written directions, God has put people around us to help guide our parenting. These are like those expert citations used in an essay. They are not the thesis, but they providing supporting evidence or insight. Godly counsel can be from grandparents, pastors, or teachers. Look for people who genuinely know you and care for you and your children and let them speak into the formation of your family.
I am cautious about whose voices I listen to, but there are people in my life that have expertise in areas I don't and I readily welcome their opinions. For example, when my son was in junior kindergarten his teacher, Mrs. Kumpf, pointed out an area I was blind to in his life. At our parent-teacher conference she noted that my son had a hard time losing and that I needed to begin to play games with him and win so that he learned to deal with losing. When she said this I had a choice to react and say she had no right to say this, but as I took a moment and thought about it I knew she was right. From that conversation I began to play games and win with him to develop that area of weakness, and he grew.
What if I would have disregarded her advice? I truly believe my son is becoming the man he is today from that conversation over 13 years ago. We all need people in our lives with perspectives and insight we don't have. I encourage you to allow grandparents, pastors, and teachers to speak into your parenting. God has brought these individuals into our lives to help shape us and shape our children, as Proverbs 27:17 tells us, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another" (ESV).
Your Enemies Don't Stand a Chance Against You
Psalm 127 shows a deep understanding of the importance of family and parenting. Operating from the perspective that God's best gift to us is our children and our role is to nurture them, will transform the way we look at our family. Our family is to be a place of victory, strength, and safety As we trust the Word of God, trust the Holy Spirit, and trust Godly counsel our enemies don't stand a chance against our family.
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